The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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