This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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