I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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