Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
