Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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