I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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