I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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