One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
