why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she peed on how many people?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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