omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
