You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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