Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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