Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
it's like iHOP with fire
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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