Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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