ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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