someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
