R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
