where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
