the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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