At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
