Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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