I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
