Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
