It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Come share oat with me in your robe
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
