dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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