you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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