please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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