I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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