My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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