wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
