I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
