She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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