Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
