you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
