i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
