plz talk dirty to me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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