singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
