I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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