giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
