just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
your room smells of hookers.
And success
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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