There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
