just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
