Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
