Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
