so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
