The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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