He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
