She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
