Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We had sex on a dog bed..
Randomize
