life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
