I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
