i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
