we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
