I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
