i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
