i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
