i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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