So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
