I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I look better un-naked...
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize