Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
