The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
