she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
