I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
