Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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