I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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