Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
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so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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