I just cut my nipple shaving
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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