Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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