i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
