I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
