She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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