apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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