do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
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next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
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My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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