well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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