awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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