Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
