The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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