Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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