My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
