You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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