Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
