you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
