It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
