I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
