Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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