I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
