He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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