we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
